mccain iowa visit flooded with controversy

by Jason Bradley

Published: June 25, 2008

In what can only be interpreted as premature executive insight and a bold political move, presidential hopeful John McCain visited the deluge once referred to as Iowa, despite Gov. Chet Culver’s explicit and repeated requests that Mr. McCain refrain from the trip. Gov. Culver explained in detail to the McCain camp that the Iowa public service personnel are already stretched to the limits, what with sandbagging and saving people from drowning in the historic floods that have left 83 of Iowa’s 99 counties considered to be disaster areas.

“By coming here, he is drawing from our limited pool of human resources – we’ll need to divert police forces and national guardsmen for security measures. We could use those personnel sandbagging and saving lives,” reprimanded Culver.

Instead, Mr. McCain opted for a swift, boat tour of Columbus Junction, Iowa, a town of nearly 750 people that was lost to the floodwaters.

“I don’t give a crap about Culver’s pusillanimous pesterings. I’m visiting that inundated town for political gain – and those Dems can kiss my shrapnel-ridden derrière,” is what many Iowans imagined Mr. McCain to be thinking. There is no other explanation for the controversial visit.

“Honestly, I wish he wouldn’t have come. He’s only making things worse,” thought at least one Iowan.

But McCain, oblivious to the thoughts of anyone on the issue, remarked, “Listen, it’s one small town, in one small, nearly unpopulated state. It doesn’t matter what they think. It only matters how this plays out in the national arena. Besides, President Bush visited and no one complained about that. If he can, well, so can I. I’m nearly president, so you can all go pound sand!” Or at least that is what some Iowans believe Mr. McCain said, regardless of the lack of proof that Mr. McCain actually uttered those exact words – or, actually, any phrases remotely resembling those sentiments.

As President Bush met with University of Iowa President Sally Mason, where one-eighth of her campus was under water, and toured miles upon miles of unfathomable ruin with Senators Harkin and Grassley, Mr. McCain simply joked, “Maybe we should just call it a new Great Lake – Lake Amakemepresident,” or at least that is what some felt he wanted to say as he smiled and waved for the cameras commemorating his visit.

And many more Iowans have opinions on Mr. McCain’s actions.

When extrapolated to represent the population of Iowa, a poll of three members of my Iowa household showed that 100% of Iowans believe that Mr. McCain used the floods for political gain and two-thirds believe that it is possible that Mr. McCain could, if he chose to, chortle like President Bush. One Iowan remarked, “I know that vote-for-vote, McCain is essentially another Bush – but I’ve never thought about McCain laughing like Bush. It’s eerie.”

Eerie, indeed.

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