pimp my rights
by Ryan Porter
Published: May 21, 2008
Now that it looks like Barack Obama will be the Democratic nominee for president in a year when a Democrat is expected to win the presidency, the issue of experience is even more important. Hilary Clinton has been arguing that Obama is unprepared for the job based on his minimal number of years in service, but it seems that the problem runs even deeper, to his very character.
His first flaw is an issue of fear. Ask yourself: Does Obama scare me? Is his election necessary to my survival? If you answered no to either of these, then clearly Obama is not for you. In our current world of terror it is necessary that we have a leader who can make us wet our pants and fear for our lives. Terrorists gain power by spreading fear (hence the name), so we have to be able to beat them at their own game. A certain current president, who shall remain nameless, perfected these fear tactics thus keeping him in the White House for eight years. If Obama can’t scare up my vote, then he won’t get it.
Obama’s second flaw is his aversion to instigate violence from our enemies. As John McCain’s campaign continually reminds us, Obama is supported by Hamas. Unfortunately, this means that if Obama is elected president we will likely not be seeing him burned in effigy nearly as often as we are used to from our leader. This would clearly be detrimental to our reputation. If our leader is not having his likeness desecrated on a regular basis, then America is likely to lose its street cred in the Middle East which will be even harder to get back if we keep destroying all their streets.
Furthermore, Obama has not shown a strong commitment to the cause of keeping America safe at all costs. A certain current president showed his commitment by taking away certain superfluous civil liberties in order to better protect us. Let’s face it, habeas corpus was really leaving us vulnerable, but Obama has not shown even the slightest inclination that he is ready to take away our rights in order to better protect them. And what about that warrantless wiretapping that has averted so many terrorists attacks? Not a chance Obama is ready for that.
Overall, it is obvious that Barack Obama and his Constitution are no good for America. In this age of terror we don’t need speeches and words to inspire us; we need to inspire Americans by raising the threat levels. We don’t need logic and diplomacy to deal with our enemies; we need to show the world that if they don’t cooperate they are going to get an American sized boot to the face. Not to mention that diplomacy is so 1980’s. Stay strong America. Vote bronze, not brains.
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May 21st, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Fine, you have a point. But Obama and Kerry before him had the same meaningless take with regard to discourse with our enemies: let’s chat. “We need to engage our enemies on all fronts, and open up a dialog blah, blah, blah.” If a candidate is proposing to meet with Syria, Iran and Hamas, he/she ought to be able to tell us what they plan on saying after they shake hands with the guy on the other side. I’ll take Obama seriously when he fills in the blanks.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Another fine post, Mr. Porter. To Summer above, I would argue that defining the terms of the dialogue before he is elected, and before he has a chance to assess the circumstances immediate to that discourse, would be as meaningless a gesture as not suggesting the content altogether. Doubtless the situation “on the ground” with Hamas and Iran, in particular, will have changed by January 2009.
Instead, I find it refreshing–along with much of the international community, no doubt–to see that, for once, a president is willing to exercise a little critical thought in managing America’s position in the world, rather than simply bombing the **** out of everyone that looks at us crosswise and congratulating ourselves for our machismo.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
your satire effectively pokes fun at the current administration. but summer is right: obama’s talk is meaningless. if by “critical thought” red phil means “criticism of george bush” then perhaps obama has exercised some. unfortunately, i’m not hearing any rational thoughts from the dems.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:07 pm
you forgot the most ****ing problem of all. . .he doesn’t even wear flag pins.