how to lose a country in 10 days
by Ian Schuldt
Published: May 8, 2008
This may come as a surprise to some people considering that I’m an Obama supporter, but at this point I really hope Hillary stays in the race. In fact, not only should she stay in the race, but I think she should pull out every dirty underhanded trick she can think of to try and eat away at Obama.
If anybody has ever broken up with someone, you know that the worst thing your ex can do is not leave you alone - not take the hint that it’s over and just keep auto-calling you every night at 3am. You try and move on and see other people, but she just somehow randomly shows up at the same restaurant you’re at. She starts spreading rumors about the new man you’re seeing. In Hillary’s case, she might consider running for the presidency of some other country just to try and make you jealous. One thing is certain, the relationship you are having with Hillary’s campaign is going to end bad. In time you’ll see that you can’t even be friends any more.
Tuesday’s primaries were the voter equivalent of saying, “I’m sorry Hillary, I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” or, “Hillary you’re great, really, but - there’s another man.” Or my favorite: “Hillary it’s not you, it’s me and my economy.” There’s a part of this country that really likes her, but there’s a larger part that just knows it’s time to move on.
Hillary could be strong about this. She could gracefully bow out and try to stay friends with the country. Who knows, maybe it won’t work out with Obama and we’ll eventually take her back. Unfortunately, if she did, it would leave a large segment of the population still in her camp. A segment that would still believe she’s a good person and take her side in the break up. They might even be angry as if it’s somehow Obama’s fault and take it out on him.
That’s why I say keep fighting Hillary! Show this country the raging psycho ex-girlfriend that you are. Tell us how you and America are soul mates and you can’t live without us. Call us ten times a day and just breath on the other end. Buy us a bunch of things we don’t want like a fancy gas holiday for two. Make this country so sick of you that you finally drive the last remaining supporters you have into the arms of another man.
Hillary’s got to be wondering why this is always happening to her. Every time she finds a guy or a country she really wants, they end up sleeping with an intern or a black man. The thing is that sometimes you can want someone too much. It gets to the point where you’re willing to do anything to try and have them. So much so that you find yourself not acting like yourself around them just to try and convince them you’re right for them.
The irony is it’s that exact behavior that makes us not want to elect her. Our president has to be the leader of the free world. That’s not a job for a person who compromises herself in order to make everyone like her. So stay in the race Hillary. Continuing to stalk this county beyond this point only drives it into the arms of Obama. Now if I were you I’d throw on some P.J.’s and saddle up to a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s. I think Sleepless in Seattle’s on tonight.
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(6)
May 8th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
“they end up sleeping with an intern or a black man”. That’s funny.
I think Obama’s too rookie to win it all. He’s like the Atlanta Hawks of the ‘08 election, very impressive but not tuff enough to win Game 7 at the Garden.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:19 am
You know Bill Clinton was younger that Obama when he was elected president, and had about the same campaign experience as Obama.
May 10th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Wow — given my borderline obsession with Alanis Morissette and my as-we-speak involuntary return to singleness, you’ve actually managed to convince me that Hillary should stay in. Or at least you provided a much-needed laugh. I understand, Hillary: it is hard to say goodbye. Ok, back to watching old Sex and the City episodes…
May 10th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
As a Clinton supporter, I look forward to any serious political debate with an Obama supporter. However, this article does nothing but reduce Senator Clinton to a sex object only capable of being a “psycho ex girlfrined”…
and then mocks the fact that her husband cheated on her. I’m sure that was a horrible time for not only her, but for her daughter Chelsea as well… but I guess, to some people, its still good for a laugh.
I could write an article depicting a young Obama as your typical pot smoking, coke snorting black man, but that would be pretty racist. Oh well… Go Hillary!
May 10th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
right on, cameron! obviously the author didn’t get the memo that politics is no laughing matter. you are not allowed to have fun with political commentary. this is serious!!
give me a break.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
i forgot that the mission statement of this website was to produce articles with no sense of humor what so ever. Honestly it makes me wonder if everyone in America had a sense of humor, would there even be Hillary Supporters or Republicans for that matter?
The same article could be written about a psycho ex-boyfriend if the rolls were reversed. It has nothing to do with painting Hillary as a Sex object. It’s simply making an analogy that the recent primary was the equivalent of america breaking up with Hillary (which it was). She can take it gracefully, or she can keep kicking and screaming to try and get her way.
The more she kicks and screams the more america will realize that she doesn’t want what’s best for the country, she just wants whats best for her. That’s a good thing for obama.
May 11th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Yeah… you guys are right. Us Clinton supporters are just really on edge these days lol.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:42 am
i accept your apology.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am
This article brought up a new look on a tired issue - someone that wants Obama to win saying that Hillary should stay in because it helps the cause. It was an interesting viewpoint and a fresh look, regardless of whether or not you agree.
The rest made it entertaining to read! And that’s why I come here.
“does nothing but reduce Senator Clinton to a sex object only capable of being a ‘psycho ex girlfrined’…” - no, not really.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Good jazz!
I think an allegory such as this is absolutely fitting for any kind of discussion. On that note, I might be a fan of Hillary’s, fully convinced she could run this country well. I might also have been converted from Bill Richardson to Hillary Clinton (by force of his concession) to Barack Obama (by force of many of his plans), but that doesn’t mean Hillary is somehow the villain. I think its fair for her to take this all the way to the convention if she wishes - its her right, and that’s what conventions are for.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
It’s also my right to keep hitting on my best friends girl friend, but that doesn’t make it a good idea, and it’s definitely not good for our friendship.
Even John Edwards has taken Obama’s side now. You know that sleaze ball wouldn’t have picked a side unless he was sure it was going to win. Hillary can take this to the convention, but it won’t do her any good. All she’s doing at this point is dividing the party. If we lose in November because of her stunt, the Backlash against her will all but drive her out of the party. I hope you like McCain, because you may be directly contributing to his Presidency.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Meh. I don’t think this fight is contributing to McCain’s nomination. If anything, the ongoing Obama-Hillary duel is keeping them in the spotlight and keeping McCain out of it. In a nation where name recognition matters, where media coverage determines survival in as many ways as it can determine ****ation, the continuing battle helps whoever is more discussed - And that’s not McCain.
But, I do agree, as much as there is no “we” (I’m not, despite the heading, a Democrat) that Obama is both better at leading and more likely to win. Would I -like- Hillary to concede? It could help! But she just thumped him in West Virginia, so is it honestly realistic to say “great job beating your rival, time for you to quit?”