Presidentialmania XLIV
by Sean Mallory
Published: April 30, 2008
“There’s nothing as American as baseball and apple pie.”
Except, of course, professional wrestling and voter degradation.
The three remaining nominees for president recently made taped appearances on Monday Night Raw, a program from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). It was perhaps the most pathetic attempt at grabbing last second votes that I’ve ever personally seen. However, I must give some credit to the decision made by the three candidates to appear. Because, unfortunately, beer-gutted rednecks do comprise a large voting block in the United States of America.
Each of the three candidates had a short cameo during the program. They were allowed a small amount of time to speak. So naturally, instead of discussing issues, each candidate used professional wrestling affectations to try to sway the crowd.
Barack Obama performed his own interpretation of WWE fan-favorite, The Rock. He included the line, “Do you smell what Barack is cooking?”
Hillary Clinton decided to go a different route. She dubbed herself “Hill-Rod” and claimed that she’d be the last candidate standing at the end of the election. I must say, I was disappointed with the name she chose, as there were endless alternatives. “Rowdy Rodham Clinton” or “Hardcore Hillary” for example.
John McCain even joined in on the festivities. He’s already the presumptive Republican nominee but something about the opportunity to impersonate Hulk Hogan called to the old man. He may have been expecting a chance to wear a yellow unitard.
It was a triple threat match of words. I can only assume that, collectively, the candidates would have been called “The Bush-Whackers” (… sorry).
Maybe I should cut them some slack. After all, politics and professional wrestling have a history. Jesse Ventura, known as “The Body” in his wrestling days, was elected Governor of Minnesota in the late 90’s. He also taught a political study group at Harvard University. So where is Ventura now? He moved to Mexico out of fear of the direction he felt the United States government was (and is) leading its people.
I guess it all makes sense, now that I think about it. With Hillary’s stone-cold stare, Obama’s empty promises to mankind and McCain’s body being fit for the undertaker, it can only mean one thing: this country is going down.
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(11)
April 30th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Any presidential candidate who appears on a WWE program should be banished to Antarctica. What total losers!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
That’s an elitist statement, Delia. :)
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I may be too busy working to watch politicians vie for redneck votes, but I can always count on your terrific articles to bring me up to speed in the real world. Thank you for taking the time to write. Your essays are well planned, researched, and objective. Your knowledge of politics and history astounds me for one so young. Is the P.O.W. look in your photo intentional?
May 16th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Hahahahaha…..you have got to be kidding me! It still amazes me that people are actually going to vote for these a**holes. Or is it the machines that will be tranfering the votes to them? Hmmmm…..
May 17th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
You know, there was a time in my youth where I watched the occasional WWF/WCW match and with the abundance of derogatory name calling, staged hair pulling and a poorly contrived underlying element of pitting good guys vs. bad guys facing off in fixed matches that already exists in politics I’m surprised anyone noticed the change in venue.