memorandum

by Edward Savoy

Published: April 30, 2008

MEMORANDUM

DATE: April 30, 2008

TO: Any past and present acquaintances of Senator Barack Obama, including, but not limited to, the following: his family, friends, distant relatives, members of his father’s tribe in Kenya, schoolmates, barbers, chauffeurs valets, favorite waiters/waitresses, other employees of his favorite restaurant, favored door-to-door salesmen and anyone who has set next to him in a church pew for the last ten years.

FROM: The Obama for President 2008 Campaign, on behalf of Senator Barack Obama

RE: The Reverend Wright and Associated Fallout

As you may know, the Senator’s association with the Reverend Jeremiah Wright has opened him up for a good deal of ridicule and electoral risk in recent days. While the Senator still holds his firm belief in the politics of change, he has come to realize that, in order to bring about the politics of change, he has to play the politics of stasis. He has expressed regret that he did not have the opportunity to vet his pastor and, at this late juncture of the campaign, he realizes he does not have time to vet his family, friends and other acquaintances.

Since the Senator presumes that you wish to see him in the White House as much as we do, he requests that you all take one of the following actions in order to spare him further potential ridicule in the media:

Leave The Country - for the sake of simplicity, it would be best if you chose to travel to a nation that either does not have access to mass communications or one that does not currently have an extradition treaty with the United States. Our campaign can provide you with a list of nations that meet these qualifications upon request.

Enter the Monastery/Convent - please note that this option is not limited to people of the Catholic faith. Our campaign will be happy to find your sect’s/denomination’s equivalent of a religious institution that requires a vow of silence from its members.

Have Yourself Committed - our campaign can recommend a wide variety of well-regarded asylums that will release you after the general election. We unfortunately cannot accommodate requests that you all be placed in the same asylum, as that would be too likely to rouse the media’s attention.

Get A Lobotomy -as technology has not yet advanced to the point where we can wipe your brain of any memory of the Senator without destroying your memory entirely, this is the unfortunate alternative that remains that can ensure that your memories of the Senator do not come back to haunt him. While lobotomies are fairly irreversible at this time, the Senator is more than willing to enter into a contract with any parties choosing this option that guarantees that he will seek funding for reversible lobotomy research during this term as president.

The campaign assures you all that you will be properly reimbursed by the Obama campaign for the cost of any of these options and the cost of having known Senator Barack Obama. We thank you for your cooperation and remind you to submit your absentee ballots for Senator Obama before your exile, religious commitment, mental health vacation or lobotomy occur.

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