guns don’t kill carrot top, and neither do people
by Ian Schuldt
Published: February 19, 2008
It seems like every year now there is at least one major school shooting. It’s always sad, and it always brings up the question, “Why?” Why does this have to happen to innocent college students, when people like Carrot Top are still out there annoying us into dialing down the center? How is it that someone like Carrot Top can will himself to live when half the country is willing him not to?
The answer came to me recently when I was on Yahoo Answers reading a forum about parenting. A user wrote in saying that her 18 month old child had a horrible temper and was constantly fidgeting. She had taken him to a number of different doctors to try and figure out why, but the doctors didn’t seem to have any good answers. She was wondering if maybe the kid was suffering from A.D.D., but no doctor seemed to be able to help her.
The first response she got was from another mother saying that there definitely seemed to be something wrong, and that she should consult a specialist. The second response she got was from me, and it went something like this. IT’S A 18-MONTH-OLD CHILD!!! All they do is fidget and cry. It’s their job. Have you ever heard of the Terrible Two’s? You look up that kids horoscope and it just says “I see fidgeting and crying in your future!” Your kid doesn’t need a doctor - he needs a parent. Stop trying to figure out what’s wrong with your kid, and try teaching him what’s right.
It seems to me like nobody in this country has problems any more. They have diseases. Your kid has trouble paying attention in school he has A.D.D. I remember being in school, and having a horrible time paying attention. I called it an IMAGINATION! Between the hot girl sitting next to me and epic space odyssey going on inside my head, why would I want to listen to my teacher explain dangling participles?
When someone is sad you don’t take them to a doctor, you try and cheer them up. I remember depression back in high school too. It happened because I had an 11th grader punch me in the arm every time he saw me for a year straight. It happened because my date to the prom was a guy called “Duke the Dumpster Dumbstad.”
Being different doesn’t go over very well in high school, but what separates interesting people from crazy people, is that crazy people never learn how to cope with it. They get a doctor to prop them up on a drug rather than a parent or a friend to help them through it.
I look at people like Carrot Top or even Richard Simmons and I say to myself, “Wow! How do people like that… just not hate themselves?” The answer is that some where a long the line they probably had a parent who did some parenting, or a friend who did some friending.
They learned that there’s a difference between being sick and being different. They figured out that not everyone in this world is the same old bland generic person, and that you can’t fix “interesting” with a drug.
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