election promise nonsense!

by Levi Crump

Published: February 18, 2008

I’m well aware of the ridiculous nature of election promises. I will, however, admit when I am wrong. I knew nothing of the sheer absurdity, or rather, the extent of the campaign promises being made this time around.

Since I have been chewing the cud on our recent economic woes, I decided to visit the website of everyone’s favorite GOP front man, John McCain, to see what he had to say. His “bold solution to stimulate the American economy” is composed of tax breaks for corporate America and a plan for victory in Iraq, i.e. the exact same thing we’ve been doing the last seven years. Then I stumbled across a plan to permanently ban Internet taxes. Curious by what he meant, and bored with playing Tetris on my cell phone, I read the following paragraph:

“John McCain believes we must make a farsighted, robust, and fervent commitment to innovation and new technologies to sustain our global competitiveness, meet our national security challenges, achieve less costly and more effective health care, reduce dangerous dependence on foreign sources of oil, and raise the quality of education in the United States. John McCain has been a leader in keeping the Internet free of taxes. As President, he will seek a permanent ban on taxes that threaten this engine of economic growth and prosperity.”

I still have no idea what Internet taxation is, but, man, a world without it sounds fantastic! Sorry, Thomas More. Utopia was a nice thought and all, but your days are over.

Now, to be fair, despite the frequency of revolutionary statements like “Seniors face a growing threat from higher Medicare premiums” and “We face an enemy (al Qaeda) that has repeatedly attacked us,” I’m sure McCain didn’t write any of it.

I think there is one thing we all should be able to take away from this. If John McCain isn’t elected, and Internet taxes aren’t banned, it will destroy America… AND embolden our enemies… (the Democrats).

Alright, I’m done. I’ve got a Tetris high score to beat.

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