the passion of the mitt
by Edward Savoy
Published: January 25, 2008
Mitt Romney has a serious problem.
His problem is not the fact that he is a Mormon seeking to be the first of his faith in the White House, nor is it the fact that he has a personality that is the unholy alliance of programming by Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. His problem isn’t even the fact that he flip-flops more than the food on the griddle at IHOP. His problem is that he can’t count on the apathy of his opponents in every primary or arrange to be born in every primary state.
So far in this primary season, despite the fact that Romney has unleashed the full bounty of his wealth in order to buy the Republican nomination, he has managed to win only Michigan, Nevada and Wyoming, which the other candidates worried about as much as a man having a heart attack worries about a tooth-ache. And in Michigan, most of the older voters thought “Mitt” was just a new-fangled way of saying “George,” Romney’s dad and the former Governor of Michigan.
While Romney needed $2,000,000 to win Michigan, Mike Huckabee proved himself to be the political version of MacGyver, winning Iowa with about $2, a paper clip, a deck of cards and a Bible. John McCain continued the show by impersonating Lazarus and winning New Hampshire and South Carolina.
Romney has lost every major primary, all without having yet to face Rudy Giuliani. You know Rudy’s out there though; like an ogre under the bridge trying to snare the fattest billy goat. So despite his shortcomings, one has to wonder why Romney hasn’t been able to do better against a field of candidates with flaws that, truth be told, are nearly as fatal as his own.
Ironically enough, it’s one of Romney’s opponents that has perhaps hit upon the best answer. Whatever his abilities as a statesman and a bass guitarist, Mike Huckabee has a quite trenchant observation on why Romney is falling flat. In contrasting himself with Romney, Huckabee has noted that he looks more like the guy who goes to work with you than the guy who goes off and fires you. Therein lies Mitt Romney’s golden Achilles heel.
If Huckabee is like a co-worker, McCain is like your favorite uncle who may be a bit dotty in the head, but is still a good guy anyway. Guiliani is like your grandfather who you never hear from, but who still gives you a check at Christmas. Romney on the other hand, is like your nightmarish boss, smooth and slick, assuring you that your job is safe while pillaging the company till and then firing you anyway. In a time where a lot of Americans are concerned about the security of their jobs and uncertain about the state of the economy, electing the guy who looks like he was the head ax-man at Enron may not be the most appealing prospect. Romney bills himself as the Washington outsider, but his problem is that he’s the corporate boardroom insider.
The obvious solution is for Romney to try to invent a softer version of himself, this time as a hard working American who used his God-given pluck and luck to live (and buy) the American dream. Unfortunately, though, Romney has already used up his quota of reinventions. He’s already reinvented himself as a Reagan Republican, a social conservative and an agent of change; if he tries to be anyone or anything else, he’ll have a very limited future as a politician in Washington, but great potential as an actor in Hollywood.
As the Republican race marches on to Florida (which, incidentally, is Spanish for “we have to help decide something again?”), it continues to resemble a highway pile-up, with the candidates accusing each other of negligence while the rest of us angrily wait for someone to come help clean up the mess. If Romney wishes to avoid having his campaign totaled, he’ll have to give out something more valuable than money: sincerity.
And he doesn’t have long to withdraw that from the bank.
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