caucus like it’s hot
by Ryan Porter
Published: January 4, 2008
Remember that antisocial bookworm in high school who was neglected for four years until graduation day, when he all of a sudden mattered because he was named Valedictorian?
Iowa is that guy.
The Hawkeye State is quiet and generally neglected by most Americans, so long as it does what it is told and doesn’t step out of line. It is like Canada in that regard; you know it’s there, but you haven’t been given a reason to care. But every four years, on one glorious evening of acknowledgement, the eyes of America turn to Iowa in anticipation of the presidential caucus results while at the same time wondering aloud:
“Which one is Iowa again?”
This presidential campaign has, thus far, failed to reveal a clear-cut leader in either party, so the results of the Iowa caucus will have implications that reach even further than is typically the case. Oddly enough, the amount of hype surrounding the Iowa caucuses is slightly disproportionate to the number of people who actually participate (less than ten percent of the state’s population), but who am I to sully Iowa’s day in the sun?
Now, one day after that day in the sun, two men are left standing as the Iowan dust settles: Republican Mike Huckabee and Democrat Barack Obama. These two men are atypical candidates in their own regard and represent change with a new vision for America. Unfortunately for the winners, more people are talking about who didn’t win than who did.
Mitt Romney, the Mormon from Massachusetts, perfect hair and all, could not seal the deal despite outspending Huckabee more than fifteen to one. Apparently he thought about winning Iowa but then changed his mind… what else is new? Somewhere along the way he seemed to forget why he should be president even though he could sure tell you why someone else shouldn’t be.
At least he still has the hair… oh, that perfect hair…
On the Democratic side, Hilary Clinton’s third place finish shocked the political world after leading the polls for months. In light of these results, the common expectation is that the Democratic race will come down to Obama vs. Clinton, man vs. mannish. What a show it will be.
But now that all is said and done in Iowa, it’s bad news for Hawkeyes: the candidates are done with you. Don’t expect them to call. They wine you. They dine you. They tell you they love you and promise you the world, but they just use you and lose you. As for the Iowans who saw their man seal the deal, don’t expect that alimony check anytime soon.
See you again in four years, Iowa!
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